野子 The Wild One by 蘇運瑩

怎麼大風越狠 How come the harder the wind blows
我心越蕩 The wilder my heart gets
幻如一絲塵土 Just like a gleam of dust
隨風自由的在狂舞 Dancing wildly with the wind
我要握緊手中堅定 I shall hold tight in hand onto the determined
卻又飄散的勇氣 Yet scattering traces of courage
我會變成巨人 I will become a giant
踏著力氣 踩著夢 Backed by strength and dreams

怎麼大風越狠 How come the harder the wind blows
我心越蕩 The wilder my heart gets
又如一絲消沙 Just like a gleam of drifting sand
隨風輕飄的在狂舞 dancing buoyantly with the wind
我要深埋心頭上秉持 I will let my resolution and 
卻又重小的勇氣 courage take root in my heart
一直往大風吹的方向走過去 Walking towards the direction of vehement winds

吹啊吹啊 我的驕傲放縱 Oh, it keeps blowing, Blowing away my pride and indulgence
吹啊吹不毀我純淨花園 Oh, it keeps blowing, but it can't destroy my garden of purity
任風吹 任它亂 Let it blow, and let it upset
毀不滅是我 盡頭的展望 I remain indestructible while looking beyond the horizon
吹啊吹啊 我赤腳不害怕 Oh, it keeps blowing. I am barefooted and not afraid
吹啊吹啊 無所謂擾亂我 Oh, it keeps blowing. I remain indifferent while it messes me up
你看我在勇敢地微笑 Watch me smile courageously
你看我在勇敢地去揮手啊 Watch me wave in courage

是你嗎 會給我一扇心房 Would it be you who gives me the heart
讓我勇敢前行 To let me march on
是你呀 會給我一扇燈窗 Yes, it should be you who gives me a window
讓我讓我無所畏懼 To let me become fearless

吹啊吹啊 我的驕傲放縱 Oh, it keeps blowing, Blowing away my pride and indulgence
吹啊吹不毀我純淨花園 Oh, it keeps blowing, but it can't destroy my garden of purity
任風吹 任它亂 Let it blow, and let it upset
毀不滅是我 盡頭的展望 I remain indestructible while looking beyond the horizon
吹啊吹啊 我赤腳不害怕 Oh, it keeps blowing. I am barefooted and not afraid
吹啊吹啊 無所謂擾亂我 Oh, it keeps blowing. I remain indifferent while it messes me up
你看我在勇敢地微笑 Watch me smile courageously
你看我在勇敢地去揮手啊 Watch me wave in courage

怎麼大風越狠 How come the harder the wind blows
我心越蕩 The wilder my heart gets
我會變成巨人 I will become a giant
踏著力氣 踩著夢 Backed by strength and dreams

What a talent. I am speechless.
at the same time I also have tears rolling down my eyes because I can't help it
what a moving song and moving voice oh my god.

Was afraid I'll oversleep and miss the time to wake HH for finals so I set alarm at 6.50 but this is a joke I auto woke at 4.30 HAHAHA whut. Accidentally fell asleep too early yesterday haha. Updates about life: CRY UNTIL MEI WAN MEI LIAO. Started off with DOTS and suffered from 3 days of withdrawal symptoms but tze saved me from it by introducing another melodrama called REMEMBER and LOL this is even worse it's about an innocent father getting jailed so last night I kept on crying with Ep 4. On another note, life is also boring as a single child. It's weird because it's not like my bro and I do a lot of things together when we are home LOL I think it's just the company, just being there. The bro is off to taiwan I'm counting down to his return haha tmr night gna pick him up at airport. Not like I have a car LOL I'm gng to pick him up in a vehicle larger and more impressive than a car- hundred-sitter luxury train :>

Summer plans: Taiwan 26th June to 5th July > Tioman 8th to 10th > BKK 17th
All packed up in July. Conv's on 13th July too! Can't wait for solo travels in Taiwan finally the first time ever leggo leggo!

People are fighting for their lives in a 7.8 magnitude earthquake.

And here I am on a Tuesday morning crying over a lame battle with my mum. Horrible. Feeling ashamed of myself YUCKSSSS.

Silent battles

Today morning I told my mum how nice it will be if she has Claire as a daughter- growing up the way she always wanted me to grow up to become. With a degree and a job that mum can proudly tell the world, a moment that will blow some wind in her face no matter how hot the weather is. Wei feng, hao wei feng.

I'm sorry I didn't go up according to plan. I'm always sorry but now it's time for that sorry to be a real legit one because I'm finally taking some action to really wash my hands off your plan. And we will always, be hurting each other, it's a never ending battle I realised. I didn't win. 

Probably hurt you a bit by saying that sentence, 'how nice it will be if Claire is your daughter' But you knew how to fight, too. So you replied with 'KPMG? My office nearby has a very huge one! Rachel from Block 7 is also going there. But she is business degree. Business also can go.' I hear those silent voices and the emphasis on 'business also can go' means a lot haha nicely done mum it was a good fight. Because the sensitive me had to retreat to my room haha today I lost and I was clearly more hurt than she was. 

I wonder when will be the day when you can proudly tell the world about me like how you used to. When I got first in class in P1 there were those sparkly proud eyes that I never saw again. Because those were the last few moments ever haha from the moment I got my PSLE scores I knew it was going to disappoint. It went downhill all the way till my prof assuring you that I'll pass my A-levels bio hahaha I think you never saw that coming. You wanted to hear how many As I'll get, not how many passes. There comes a day when I realised to see those sparkly eyes I need an academic achievement. Because all the community-based ones never get to you like how academic gets to you. Who cares about eagles or cca service or whatever right. 

Now you're making a huge fuss about me not getting that gown for graduation yet hahaha you want to take pictures with my business degree and then show it around. I asked you take pictures for what? Your reply didn't answer though, you mentioned about how other people also take pictures, "Cassand jie even go studio!" Okay if that makes you happy. 

I'm trying to neutralise this inside myself, to reduce the need for my parents to be proud of me anymore. But fck la it still is quite hard to make this work. Especially when I overhear your conversations. "I don't know, she likes it lor" That tone. Holy crap it burns like hell. 

Ah ma I miss you. So apt because I was just showing Claire your pic in my wallet yesterday haha. I miss how you don't know anything about my school life or my academic thing but in your heart I'll always be the best HAHAHAHA ROCKS RIGHT. I don't need anything I'm the best already. I miss your sparkly sparkly eyes that always tell me you are proud of me no matter what I do. And how I'm always a kid in your eyes no matter how big I am already you'll give me kiddy girly hairbands and stuff because you think they are pretty. Haha but you are prettier man you are the prettiest I ever seen.  I'm not suicidal or anything but I really want to see you again can you appear in my dreams. When you appeared last time the whole dream was about how I realised you didn't die. Ah ma appearing like that is not realistic eh. When I woke up reality hits me... not that good eh. 

OK CAN THANKS TO EPIC MORNING BREAKFAST WITH MUM... ESCALATES TO SOME SWOLLEN EYES -.- Been crying since I started DOTS though so it's okay hahaha

Life

Goes

On. 

Leggo leggo let it go.

Everybody asked me how am I going to celebrate... but I already did.

In a vulgar way.
With a F word.

I have already completed my mental celebration and it is more than enough hahaha. At 5pm yesterday my whole head was like....

I AM FUCKING DONE WITH BUSINESS SCHOOL.

HAHAHAHHA. There it is. I warned you about the vulgarities.

I really am done. My heart is full. Full because, as much as I disliked my faculty, uni in general has taught me lessons in life I won't forget, it showed me who mattered and who don't, and a little sneak peak of the world out there.

I won't say I didn't learn anything from biz because I did. Let's take a trip down memory lane I wna recall the 3 years! -logging onto myisis-

YEAR 1 SEM 1
1) Managerial Economics B+
2) Business Analytics C+
3) Business Comm B+
4) Marketing B-
5) Hidden Communities

First lap of the journey! This was an okayyyy semester. The most memorable thing when I recall now is how marketing prof is so gender bias I'll never forget it hahaha she loves guys and so it doesn't matter if you have raised your hand first in class because things don't work that way you needa make sure you have two pre-requisites (1) are you a guy (2) even if you are a guy, are you handsome? If you fail to fulfil the above, aiyah just give up la LOL. Oh another memorable thing... BIZ ANAL. Thanks to biz anal I became so anal I kept complaining to friends (you know who you are) because I freaking hate this excel shit haha. And when I got my first sem's results I rmb really clearly how huimin consoled me- that's when it dawned upon me that I'm probably not supposed to feel ok with my results HAHAHAHA.

YEAR 1 SEM 2
1) Financial Accounting A-
2) Biz Law B
3) Operations Mgmt B
4) Mgmt and Org B+
5) BFS
6) Oratory and Public Mind IEM B+

Ooooh it's weird but I really enjoyed FA. Explains the A- haha because FA is like math, you just keep on practising you'll get it. BFS was just bullshit (in my opinion. BFS lovers please don't hate me) I went there for the free food. Basically it's a compulsory module you just sit there in compulsory formal attire and they brainwash you with how important appearance is. Biz law was baddd haha not the grade but the module itself I tidak boleh sia all the law and stuff. Awtiong I respect you!?

YEAR 2 SEM 1
1) Management Acc B+
2) Biz Anal II B+
3) Comm Leadership
4) IEM II B+
5) Entre B-

BIZ ANAL NEVER ENDS. It came back to haunt me. In an upgraded version somemore, level 2000 I thought I was gng to die so badly haha if I got C+ for level 1000 I did a mental note that I might fail this so I tried my best to survive. But thanks to my groupmates (finally same module with beehwee <3) and kind friends in CAPT who helped me (yuying!!!) Biz anal II became even better than Biz Anal I LOLOL. Is like foundation not solid but then the building built already then looks nice. But at the end of the day building is going to crash- like how I don't rmb much shit about biz anal LOL see the building has crashed.

YEAR 2 SEM 2
1) Macro Econs B+
2) Finance B
3) Malay 1 A-
4) Leadership and Ethics C+
5) Citizenship in changing world

Leadership was my first epic experience with shitty groupmate hahaha broadened my perspective so much. Finance was so bad what "put/call/option" thing if you ask me now... I still don't know :( Highlight was malay!!! SO DAMN ENJOYABLE.

YEAR 3 SEM 1
1) Asian Biz C
2) Malay 2 B+
3) Org Effectiveness B+
3) Social Entre B
5) Social Work A+

OOOOOOO LOOK AT DAT. LOOOOOK AT THAT >:) DO YOU SEE IT. I AM SURE YOU DO. Let's play spot the odd-one-out of my whole uni life. YAY I THINK YOU SEE IT. Don't say it directly la, I must remain humble de ok. Hahaha bitch sia me. Anw omg thanks to the faculty that I love more I actually can grad from NUS with an A+?! (lame shit I said it directly liao whatever lol I am not a man of my words) Wah sian I wanted an A for Malay 2 though tidak boleh I cmi already. Oh asian biz!!! The weekly quizzes. Worth remembering because that's when I suddenly have biz friends! But it's like a wind kind of thing, it came and left and now since the module is long over, the friends are gone too! But I'm not complaining because I have important friends with huge places in my heart I'm not going to make any spaces for these windy friends. Reap all you want la windies LOL I send you everything man everything I don't care.

-OMG I WROTE THIS HALFWAY AND I'LL BE BACK TO CONTINUE BECAUSE NOW I WNA WATCH MY DRAMA-

Has been a LONG while since I felt sleep deprived. So it deserves a post. THE day was 5th April Tuesday (yesterday). Didn't feel good. Too little hours of sleep made me nod off during my OB class at 8am > nap in biz library (first time there since sem started, like legit sit down there instead of just going to print stuff but yay also my last time there since sem is ending hahaha) > nap once more at night before online meeting at 9.30. Eyes were as heavy as my overweight self. Hahaha use myself in the simile because HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED THE FEELINGS OF ELEPHANT/LEAD/METAL WHEN YOU USE THEM AND SUAN THEM WITH "AS HEAVY AS AN ELEPHANT/LEAD/METAL"?! Come on man, weight is sensitive to all objects on earth!!! LOL yi ge big drama queen.

FREAKING 9 MORE DAYS TO WAVING GOODBYE TO SCHOOL.

9 MORE. LET'S GO.