I can't do it.

I replayed so many scenarios in my head. Of how I'm going to -very cooly- inform my dad "yo yo yo by the way, I'm graduating from university. 13th July, interested to come?" LOL.

or just like...  JUST TELL HIM MAN. JUST TELL HIM THAT HIS DAUGHTER IS GRADUATING??? In my head, I was cool. But reality check. I can't do it.

Today I came home late after meeting Rachel and Tze and there he was in the dark watching his TV as usual. There was this huge stench of cigarette smoke. I thought about so many ways I can spite him about smoking. Like how I can ask him to share the cigarette and pretend I'm smoking as well, or how I can just put no smoking signs around the house LOLOL. But reality check again, I just can't bring myself to talk to him. This is so bad hahaha and it's even worse that I'm slowly getting used to this silence between us?

At the same time I'm not trying because he's not trying as well and... why should I make the first move. I feel tired just thinking about talking to him I don't know if I'll regret this but at this stage, at this moment, right now, the silence is acceptable. The silence is gradually, slowly, but surely, getting comfortable.

Woah. As I'm wondering about lame questions like... when was the last time I held my mum's hand? (Don't even talk about dad's hand haha never held his hand before) It has been such a long long time and it dawned upon me how life is so unpredictable, I never once saw myself in this when I was young.

Ah but nobody said life was easy anyway. Chin up peeps, life moves on.

Whoosh. Finally passed mid-week, it's a rest day today! :') No stay-home days this week but that's okay. Currently in bed after breakfast, it's 7+ in the morning and as usual I woke up at 6+ and made coffee with mum. Oh and I have many random updates.

(1) I was like a lion/ bird nest with my frizzy damaged hair and Watson's had a sale yesterday so I went to get this new shampoo for damaged hair... Tsubaki or something like that Japanese brand W O W I woke up like a bunny. Soft and smooth now siao liao one wash = change of animal head. I AM SOLD. I am your new loyal fan you japanese brand <3

(2) Speaking about hair... I tried to save my lion by buying this innisfree hair spray thing and guess what sia I lost it. SAI IS ME. Trying my best to forgive myself. Let's just hope someone picked it up and it made a difference to their lives, you can use it or whatever, just don't throw away and make my money literally go down the drain haha.

(2) Yesterday was my first day as a telemarketer. I swear my life/my salary/my money/I swear by everything- I SUCK AT OFFICE JOBS. The crowd during lunch time. The attire. And omg my eyelids were struggling to open like in JC lecture days hahaha now I'm worried my colleagues saw that... But yay to nice colleagues and yay to nice boss and yay to lunch treat from boss at Chicken Run! There are so many shops in paya now I've never really been to all yet haha.

(3) Now my back has two bends. Oops. It was never an issue la haha because out of sight out of mind, out of feels out of mind too haha I didn't felt any pain mah. Then there was this free chiropractic scan at plaza sing that day with mum and bro so I did it. And then they had this paper results showing me an average nerve analysis for normal people and my nerves were all shown in red, which means not that good a condition hahaha. Then the doctor said my spine is an S shape oooooooo interesting I always thought it's a small bend only hahaha. Nvm la, erm not that serious for now I think. I think my bro has a more serious issue with his back I was looking at chiropractic therapy clinics... my birthday present part III for him, most likely.

(4) I made my life decision. MYSELF. ZERO PARENT/BRO INFLUENCE. ALL BY MYSELF. Inserts grand music. Looking back, all my life decisions were heavily influenced by my family. Things like taking double humanities because my mum doesn't want me to take double science + one humans only since she wants me to have the same number of subjects as the triple science peeps but holy shit I died in Lit please la I was the most auntie shit ever in class I know no shakespeare thou tee thing. EGAN CHAN If you ever see this, know that I'm so freaking thankful for you haha. Fast forward to the grand age of 22... I ACCEPTED MY JOB OFFER WITH MY OWN BRAIN AND MY OWN HEART!!! Hurray! I'm 100% excited about what awaits me, crossing fingers for this brand new journey :')

(5) But only my friends and my bro knows about this life update. I'm not a good daughter. I refuse to tell my parents hahaha. Aiya even until now my mum's trying to convince me to the business sector and my dad is just... erm trying to get me to give him money. I'll let them know in August.

(6) Yoga is ending! Sadly. My 30-day pass is expiring and omg! It helped me become more flexi oh my! I can now touch the ground with my hands, they used to be so far away hahaha.

(7) I really NEED to pack my room!!! But everything else looks more interesting than packing... I'll pack today. REALLY.

Meanwhile.... some more slacking before I head out to meet my friends later! BYE BYE.

Yux 年轻的时候不懂事 so I have blogs all over the place and my dear friend was reading a post back in 2010 OMG

Gan: This one I laugh until I can die sia.
Gan: Thank you, my friend.

Me: HAHAHAHA GAN WHUT. 

Me: I have no idea what am i saying

Me: what am i saying

Me: AND WHAT ARE U DOING

Me: WTS GET OFF MY ANCIENT BLOG I DON'T EVEN RMB ABOUT IT HELLO

Me: LOLOL

Gan: LOVE

Hahahaha hopefully Gan can get back to SG just in time to come for convocation! YAY.

It's Monday again! Feels lika weekend because it's a public holiday! No tuition for today because yep PH so tutee takes an off day. Woke at epic 6+ again and father is earlier and already watching his 'massage' in the living room. Dampens my mood all-the-time but nevermind I try my best to push it to the back of my mind. Bro and I are living like we are tenants already LOL SHIT. We don't talk a single word to him and vice versa. In fact we never once did have a proper conversation with him, I realized. Sadly but in all honesty.

Oh wells.

As much as I get lonely sometimes, I remind myself that my heart is full I have so many precious people in my life whom I care about, thank you and ever grateful for being there guys :') I think I'm blessed even without a religion haha.

But WTS I get strange dreams!
Strange Dream #1: I overheard people discussing how the only nice thing about me is.......................
wait for it
worth waiting for
are you ready
3
2
1
MY HAIR.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHA

Strange Dream #2: Tze admitting to me that Ben and James > Me because they get to spend more time together staying on campus. Wah my heart broke and I wailed in my dream and ended up awake tearing. Guess what's the first thing I do. Whatsapp that woman and make sure we are still friends. And scolded her for what happened in the dream HAHAHAHA. Kidding. But she told me that will never happen so yay!

Oh life updates! I have some work to do now, despite how I'm still trying to find part time jobs (money no enough). I gotta work on Social Enterprise and also OMG I REALLY NEED A DAISY LEADER. Headache sia that one. And I freaking BORROWED A BOOK. O M G. The world is changing. It's called Friction by Sandra Brown and of course I anyhow anyhow grabbed it at NLB. Didn't scan all the shelves but it looks interesting! Crime and thriller and all at this rate I'm going to be a policewoman/detective soon. Been watching war/police/detectives/spy movies and there was one very gory fighting scene I shouted the whole f-word in my room and my bro chionged over:

Bro: WHAT IS WRONG.
Pearl: Damn scary!!!!!!!!!!! -eyes glued to the screen and a few more f-words flew out-
Bro: Omg what is happening to you. My sister is turning vulgar!!!

And then he asked me to watch Zootopeia. How to spell that movie. Zootopedia? Zootoepia. The zoo movie the zoo cartoon movie. I'm too budget I told him how I am very reluctant to spend $8+ watching a cartoon movie unless the special effects and feels and all are worth the big screen. Like how I think watching love stories on big screen also a bit waste money actually... Unless it's damn hyped and damn famous like the taiwan... taiwan... I'm legit trying to recall the name of the show... AH I GOT IT. Shao nu shi dai! Yes I watched that in theatres haha.

Oh another life update is how I applied to more atas preschools that I really never hear before and they are too atas they are so unknown hahaha. Cross fingers for their replies please! :)

And yesterday I went to play the drums but I SUCK AT IT SO BADLY but it was fun. Right after I left the studio my first sentence to aiwee was that I know what I'm best at already... I concluded. Listening. Just listening to music. Only listening. Cannot and should not try playing. LOL Contented that I managed to finally try drums though :)

Moving on with life for now I got to on my aircon again and roll around in bed and slack and read my book.

Life is good la.