I can't do it.

I replayed so many scenarios in my head. Of how I'm going to -very cooly- inform my dad "yo yo yo by the way, I'm graduating from university. 13th July, interested to come?" LOL.

or just like...  JUST TELL HIM MAN. JUST TELL HIM THAT HIS DAUGHTER IS GRADUATING??? In my head, I was cool. But reality check. I can't do it.

Today I came home late after meeting Rachel and Tze and there he was in the dark watching his TV as usual. There was this huge stench of cigarette smoke. I thought about so many ways I can spite him about smoking. Like how I can ask him to share the cigarette and pretend I'm smoking as well, or how I can just put no smoking signs around the house LOLOL. But reality check again, I just can't bring myself to talk to him. This is so bad hahaha and it's even worse that I'm slowly getting used to this silence between us?

At the same time I'm not trying because he's not trying as well and... why should I make the first move. I feel tired just thinking about talking to him I don't know if I'll regret this but at this stage, at this moment, right now, the silence is acceptable. The silence is gradually, slowly, but surely, getting comfortable.

Woah. As I'm wondering about lame questions like... when was the last time I held my mum's hand? (Don't even talk about dad's hand haha never held his hand before) It has been such a long long time and it dawned upon me how life is so unpredictable, I never once saw myself in this when I was young.

Ah but nobody said life was easy anyway. Chin up peeps, life moves on.