Good morning again!
Aren't I hardworking :> Weird how I'm always auto up before the sky gets bright but I love mornings. It's a better time for me to focus well on reading hh's thesis (hi hh I think you'll see this soon hoho and yes your thesis interest level wins all my other majors hands down hahaha)
Oh jialat I got distracted from reading thesis because I went to google haircut for square faces haha. Contemplating to get a haircut since a while ago... I don't mind spending more for a hair change now because Aiyo but there are SO MANY hair salons to choose from!
Yesterday I met some kind people. Was waiting at cousin's condo gate for people to enter/leave so I can sneak in w/o the card. Then two foreign workers had access to enter and they helped me tap in. What shocked me was when I said you first pls, then one of them said very strongly "no!" It's was very kind of him, but at the same time a bit sad don't you think? Why am I treated as if I'm of a higher status or sth????? :') and :( at the same time. Thank you kind people.
Tuesday, 28 March 2017
Monday, 27 March 2017
Hello world.
It's a beautiful Monday morning! TERM. BREAK. IS. HERE.
It was an epic shag workday yesterday with 5 classes haha when I did my afternoon class, during the dance part my battery drained until kosong LOL. 撑住. And I also did a first year4 class to relief my friend yesterday OMG hahahaha it was so different. Cannot act cute and they are so responsive it was so chillax hahaha year1/2 = helping to fly them back into mummy/daddy's arms or trying to distract them like crazy but year 4 = FOCUS ON YOU I don't even do any peekaboos (which I do like mad in my year1 class) hahahaha they were so adorable too. But I concluded... Year2/3 still my fav age group. Reaffirmed my love haha. It's always my answer when people always ask me the "wah so wasted. why don't you go NIE that kind" question. Basically I think I just love being a nanny la haha.
Nothing new, my throat hurts, again lol. Life has been pretty okay for now. I've got travel plans coming up which give me things to look forward to hehe. Went to faraway mythical land of Yale to support my dear junior and WOW that must be how a parent feels like man. I can't say I watched her grow up but at least I brought them for their first OCIP trip. And 瞪死她 whenever she wants to touch all the stray dogs LOL. But I had to be like that then no choice mah/ responsibilities. Promised her that I will join in with the sayanging of all the puppies this year haha. It's also very memorable how my dear Nicole came to find me in the middle of the night poor girl was so sick and I gave her a bag and she got the bad things out at least. I think one good thing about deciding to lead daisy15 was learning how to ACT calm and telling others to stay calm when inside I was like ~!#$%%&^$%#@!!O M G. Like when Annabel was sick and I had to get a motorbike to send her to the nearest clinic... which is far. Once again proves my point about how sucky it is not knowing how to cure sick people. Ok back to Celia. This girl can act (goosebumps worthy) and she is shining in Yale la pls. And me too I WAS SHINING INSIDE WITH ALL THE PRIDE HAHAHA so proud man. 当年 we go "HOW WAS IT OMG OMG OMG" over A-level results and now it's already been a while since uni started waaah. Things like this make life very, very nice :)
Also thankful for... a quiet but no-verbal-fight dinner with mum and bro yesterday to end off the tiring day. That's nice too.
It's a beautiful Monday morning! TERM. BREAK. IS. HERE.
It was an epic shag workday yesterday with 5 classes haha when I did my afternoon class, during the dance part my battery drained until kosong LOL. 撑住. And I also did a first year4 class to relief my friend yesterday OMG hahahaha it was so different. Cannot act cute and they are so responsive it was so chillax hahaha year1/2 = helping to fly them back into mummy/daddy's arms or trying to distract them like crazy but year 4 = FOCUS ON YOU I don't even do any peekaboos (which I do like mad in my year1 class) hahahaha they were so adorable too. But I concluded... Year2/3 still my fav age group. Reaffirmed my love haha. It's always my answer when people always ask me the "wah so wasted. why don't you go NIE that kind" question. Basically I think I just love being a nanny la haha.
Nothing new, my throat hurts, again lol. Life has been pretty okay for now. I've got travel plans coming up which give me things to look forward to hehe. Went to faraway mythical land of Yale to support my dear junior and WOW that must be how a parent feels like man. I can't say I watched her grow up but at least I brought them for their first OCIP trip. And 瞪死她 whenever she wants to touch all the stray dogs LOL. But I had to be like that then no choice mah/ responsibilities. Promised her that I will join in with the sayanging of all the puppies this year haha. It's also very memorable how my dear Nicole came to find me in the middle of the night poor girl was so sick and I gave her a bag and she got the bad things out at least. I think one good thing about deciding to lead daisy15 was learning how to ACT calm and telling others to stay calm when inside I was like ~!#$%%&^$%#@!!O M G. Like when Annabel was sick and I had to get a motorbike to send her to the nearest clinic... which is far. Once again proves my point about how sucky it is not knowing how to cure sick people. Ok back to Celia. This girl can act (goosebumps worthy) and she is shining in Yale la pls. And me too I WAS SHINING INSIDE WITH ALL THE PRIDE HAHAHA so proud man. 当年 we go "HOW WAS IT OMG OMG OMG" over A-level results and now it's already been a while since uni started waaah. Things like this make life very, very nice :)
Also thankful for... a quiet but no-verbal-fight dinner with mum and bro yesterday to end off the tiring day. That's nice too.
Tuesday, 21 March 2017
Haiyaya.
8 months into employment and the sadness of working on weekends is getting more and more intense... Missing out much in life.
I wanted to learn how to be a barber under Geylang Adventures SO BADLY. But cmi. This one honest disappointment sia boohoo.
I want to attend extended family's birthday celebrations/ housewarming. But cmi.
Girlfriends jio on a warehouse shopping sale. But cmi.
More and more cmi...
Oh well.
8 months into employment and the sadness of working on weekends is getting more and more intense... Missing out much in life.
I wanted to learn how to be a barber under Geylang Adventures SO BADLY. But cmi. This one honest disappointment sia boohoo.
I want to attend extended family's birthday celebrations/ housewarming. But cmi.
Girlfriends jio on a warehouse shopping sale. But cmi.
More and more cmi...
Oh well.
Monday, 20 March 2017
I remembered, during an ice breaker game or sth, someone once asked, if you had a choice to choose, what superpower will you want? I told them I'll want to have an answer to cancer since medicine/technology isn't the perfect solution as of today.
Yesterday I changed my mind.
If I had some magic, I'll get rid of ALL THE FREAKING ILLNESSES in the world.
Maybe if I wished hard enough.
On a hindsight, that means unemployment for medical professionals, including my friends. But I'm sure they will get great jobs elsewhere since they are great anw. Absolutely hate that helplessness when I see someone in pain and idk the answer to stop that pain and it really sucks so bad.
Even worse when it's my bro :(
Tuesday, 7 March 2017
I have this problem with myself- I get ticked off by my own family.
One problem that big families may have is how they grew up vying for attention and that tension separates them apart. This particular tension is freaking evident in my own family. So I was on the phone call with my eldest auntie a few minutes ago.
Aunt: Wah you very hardworking hor, every Monday go find 谁的儿子.
Me: Ya, Javier.
Aunt: Why Javier never listen to Jasmine meh?
Me: No ah. He listens to Jasmine jiejie.
Aunt: Then why Jasmine half-day work only Jasmine cannot ownself teach.
Me: (I was already 50% annoyed already. I don't understand why my aunt has to talk in such a degrading tone about my cousin, who has cancer) Er sometimes she's quite tired.
Aunt: Then you teach what? Everything?
Me: No leh english and maths only.
Aunt: Why chinese never.
Me: Chinese I'm not good.
Aunt: Nowadays chinese hanyu pinyin difficult. My grandson can even teach me eh!!! (Now I'm 70% annoyed. The point of convo with her is always driven back to how great her grandsons are)
I don't get it.
What's a family about when you do such comparisons within yourselves?
What's the point?
And I get ticked off by my own father, as usual, all the time. Even today.
Maybe one of the reason why I'm so into The Return of Superman show is how all that fatherly love fascinates me. I find myself smiling to the show most of the time because children = adorbs and that interaction with papa = aborbs. I have to admit some part of me is horribly envious too haha. I envy how they can spend time with their dads and even tell their dad I love you/ vice versa. I've never done that my whole life and I guess I'll never do it because I'll be lying to myself. I don't even remember when was the last time I ever had a meal with my father. I know I definitely didn't hold his hands before. My family doesn't do hugs so hugging is out of the picture. Only bro and I. Or when we flatten each other like roti prata on the bed as our tactic to wake each other up. Come to think of it, I don't know when was the last time I even tried my best to know my dad, or vice versa. I can be sour grapes about all these but truth is, I'll never do it in real life.
So today I realised why he keeps bringing out all the dry clothes. Even though mum said no because bird shit risk. And even though I already brought them in. So in essence he dislikes what I actually love. Hahahaha I LOVE DETERGENT. Esp when I had full control over all of my clothes back in CAPT, I SPAM detergent like nobody's business hahaha James and Tze will always "SIAO AH" LOL I love nice-smelling clothes :p And on a useful note, I have endless soap that friends can borrow too. Back to topic, I came to a realisation that father was drying them out because he was trying to get rid of all traces of any smell hahaha. Because he said got smell = not clean and detergent causes cancer.
I get annoyed so easily, how can I even try to understand him better?
Recently I got a bit disgusted with myself too.
When I was walking back during lunch break last week, a man approached me for money. I didn't give him. Then it hit me. First stage: regret. What if the man really needed it urgently? What if something bad happens to him when he doesn't have that cash? Second stage: shame. Who am I to ask people to help others when me myself... I don't? And the fact that I didn't give him cash- didn't that show much more about who I truly am? That deep down I'm selfish? Third stage: trying to alleviate that guilt. My friend told me that I can imagine the man to be selling a pen for money. If that happened, it's true... I wouldn't buy the pen too. And then another thought popped into my head. Omg so I have been evil all these while. With or without pen-selling, I don't help others. Fourth stage: trying to forget- But evidently not happening because of the fact that I AM WRITING IT DOWN NOW HERE LOL IT IS SO FRESH AND STUCK IN MY HEAD PLEASE.
Aiya shit happens and lessons are learnt. Move on.
One problem that big families may have is how they grew up vying for attention and that tension separates them apart. This particular tension is freaking evident in my own family. So I was on the phone call with my eldest auntie a few minutes ago.
Aunt: Wah you very hardworking hor, every Monday go find 谁的儿子.
Me: Ya, Javier.
Aunt: Why Javier never listen to Jasmine meh?
Me: No ah. He listens to Jasmine jiejie.
Aunt: Then why Jasmine half-day work only Jasmine cannot ownself teach.
Me: (I was already 50% annoyed already. I don't understand why my aunt has to talk in such a degrading tone about my cousin, who has cancer) Er sometimes she's quite tired.
Aunt: Then you teach what? Everything?
Me: No leh english and maths only.
Aunt: Why chinese never.
Me: Chinese I'm not good.
Aunt: Nowadays chinese hanyu pinyin difficult. My grandson can even teach me eh!!! (Now I'm 70% annoyed. The point of convo with her is always driven back to how great her grandsons are)
I don't get it.
What's a family about when you do such comparisons within yourselves?
What's the point?
And I get ticked off by my own father, as usual, all the time. Even today.
Maybe one of the reason why I'm so into The Return of Superman show is how all that fatherly love fascinates me. I find myself smiling to the show most of the time because children = adorbs and that interaction with papa = aborbs. I have to admit some part of me is horribly envious too haha. I envy how they can spend time with their dads and even tell their dad I love you/ vice versa. I've never done that my whole life and I guess I'll never do it because I'll be lying to myself. I don't even remember when was the last time I ever had a meal with my father. I know I definitely didn't hold his hands before. My family doesn't do hugs so hugging is out of the picture. Only bro and I. Or when we flatten each other like roti prata on the bed as our tactic to wake each other up. Come to think of it, I don't know when was the last time I even tried my best to know my dad, or vice versa. I can be sour grapes about all these but truth is, I'll never do it in real life.
So today I realised why he keeps bringing out all the dry clothes. Even though mum said no because bird shit risk. And even though I already brought them in. So in essence he dislikes what I actually love. Hahahaha I LOVE DETERGENT. Esp when I had full control over all of my clothes back in CAPT, I SPAM detergent like nobody's business hahaha James and Tze will always "SIAO AH" LOL I love nice-smelling clothes :p And on a useful note, I have endless soap that friends can borrow too. Back to topic, I came to a realisation that father was drying them out because he was trying to get rid of all traces of any smell hahaha. Because he said got smell = not clean and detergent causes cancer.
I get annoyed so easily, how can I even try to understand him better?
Recently I got a bit disgusted with myself too.
When I was walking back during lunch break last week, a man approached me for money. I didn't give him. Then it hit me. First stage: regret. What if the man really needed it urgently? What if something bad happens to him when he doesn't have that cash? Second stage: shame. Who am I to ask people to help others when me myself... I don't? And the fact that I didn't give him cash- didn't that show much more about who I truly am? That deep down I'm selfish? Third stage: trying to alleviate that guilt. My friend told me that I can imagine the man to be selling a pen for money. If that happened, it's true... I wouldn't buy the pen too. And then another thought popped into my head. Omg so I have been evil all these while. With or without pen-selling, I don't help others. Fourth stage: trying to forget- But evidently not happening because of the fact that I AM WRITING IT DOWN NOW HERE LOL IT IS SO FRESH AND STUCK IN MY HEAD PLEASE.
Aiya shit happens and lessons are learnt. Move on.
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