Today my nursing friend told me that her senior nurse said,

Deep down, most elderly patients want to go home, but they are afraid of being a burden to their children. Sometimes instead of asking them "Do you want to go home?", maybe as children, we should tell them "I want to bring you home".

Really much feels :'( 

If I put myself in the shoes of a father... I don't understand why a father will go down and have his own breakfast while your child stays bedridden with an unknown pain in the leg.

Shocks me in many ways, level of fatherhood goes beyond negative LOL.

Mum's on this no-eat phase which bothers me quite a lot. 

Why you do this.

Maybe this helps as a training. If I have a toddler in the future that will go through the same phase as well. Oh but that's if I ever have a toddler. If I ever get married. Which for now, is quite lolol. 

Off-day = Movie day.

This week's off days are spent watching korean movies! Caught Fabricated City yesterday and it was about this guy who got framed for a crime he didn't commit. Thanks to the scary world of big data and technology omg and it was a bit violent here and there my heart couldn't take it I srsly had to neutralise with variety show after that hahaha. 

And now I'm taking a break from The King which is about political corruption. No violence this time but just mental violence wow the prosecutors and politicians and media and all that corruption it is a very freaky thing I srsly hope this is fiction. I know we needa take media with a pinch of salt irl la but omg this movie shows how everything is controlled by people with power wlao freaks me out. 

I'm back! Finally done with movie it's quite a dry movie but the best thing was how the good still wins in the end WAHAHAHA. And his gangster friend stayed loyal till the very end even though the main guy betrayed him previously. That part really wlao :'( 

As I am typing this, my father is sneezing out LOUD everywhere in the living room. I teach my kids to cover their mouth when they sneeze. They are 3 years old. What is my father doing at 61. I don't like him so much the only thing that is holding me back from going into the hate section is purely the fact that he contributed his sperm so I can be alive. He is addicted to porn videos I wonder why he chose to gave birth to us just go to brothels la. I'll despise him even more if he goes there but ok if he went there w/o having us then I wouldn't even be alive to despise him. Win-win arh? Having us wasn't his choice anyway. He's the oldest son. All about the face. "You think I want?" My bro says it's unfair that he can actually choose our existence but we can't choose our parents. That's just how life works though, not much about fair/not fair. Humans are so complex we have so much inside the brain of ours. I'm way past the young age to forgive and forget him as easy as ABC there's too much I can't let go. What is seen cannot be unseen I regret to have seen many things thanks to his influence and it is disturbing in so many ways. Now I'm just thankful he isn't watching them now haha mainly because I couldn't take it anymore and told my mum I'm not ready for these even though I'm of a legal age. I wonder how much of my DNA has his contributions. Psych papers always state the importance of fathers in a child's development. And the importance of a good husband-wife relationship. So sometimes I wonder if I had these two factors I'll be a better nicer person? My auntie invited us for dinner and clearly mum has no intentions of asking my dad along. I couldn't make it since weekends = work day but dad could. So I just plainly asked her if he's going and she couldn't give me an answer. It's so obvious you're a bit too ashamed of him. Ok done with long rant. Back to shows.

Third movie down! The Annoying Brother. Typical sobbing movie and so my eyes now are suffering from the aftermath of the downpour hahaha. In life we lose some and gain some. I lost much tears and gained much snacks gifted by bro. Movies like this one make me feel alive hahaha and remind me that okcan you are still a human that can feel. Rather than being usually annoyed/sian during my off days because stuckwithyouknowwho. 

Why I'm so 100% sure I don't want to belong here.

You don't live inclusivity.
Okay this may sound too harsh. Edit. You can't live inclusivity.

Some days in life I feel SO dissatisfied with myself I want to make bigger change I want to do something that makes people feel good I want to feel good when they feel good I want to I want to I want to

I want to 

But can I?