Merry Christmas. I don't celebrate Christmas but I love to soak in the positive vibes. It's not often we get such good vibes everywhere.

I spent my Christmas Eve reuniting with my three girls. Ever since adulting happened, it was so tough to coordinate our different schedules and it's so nice that Christmas Eve became that special day where the stars aligned and we got to head out together. For a nice simple Korean lunch, a bit of shopping and some fun with Mario cart and Overcooked which was totally enjoyable. This is also the year where I'm officially the lonely bat around. Time to fly elsewhere and give couples their needed space.

I'm chilling at home with chill music in the background. 

What a year it had been. This year is a year of many changes. I quit my first job, got into my second. Did things like StoryTelling in preschools and in public at NLB and I came to realise that when kids are my audience, (just kids and only kids), it's not scary. Went to Korea and for the very first time, experienced what it felt in a cold climate (apart from the coldness up in Rinjani). Got my first Korean perm and will never return to straight hair again. Bought my first lipstick. Travelled out to a western country for the first time, Melbourne. Tried so much Gin and discovered that I'm actually really high in alcohol tolerance. Went diving in Okinawa, got stuck in a typhoon there too. Worked too hard and felt burnt out for one whole week with the weird high fever. Sucks to be sick. 

Glad to be alive. I wouldn't say alive and happy. I guess it's moderately-content? 

That's good too. 

:)

Tuesday night 8pm, an aftermath of a big downpour.

The floor was wet and muddy. I was walking home and talking the short cut, the back alley of Giant. 

I crossed path with an elderly lady. Her back was really hunched and her footsteps were slow and tiny. Directly opposite from mine because I was chionging to avoid the mud...

I backtracked and brought her to the bus stop. It's been such a long while since I spoke Hokkien conversations and I got slightly rusty. Grandma held my hand as we walked, very, very slowly. She asked me about my occupation, my pang gang timing and even my salary lol. She says it's good. 

How I wished my own grandma could see me adulting. I could buy her favourite KFC for her with my first paycheck. We could do such slow walks too. 

Miss you. 

Live like it's your last

Having gone through a natural disaster I think my world view shifted a bit. 

Tbh I used to think what happens when I die. Who comes to my funeral? Does it hurt anyone? And I think these thoughts are morbid and so I keep them to myself haha. And I think they are completely useless thoughts. 

It hurt very much when I heard ambulance sirens during the Typhoon. Somewhere out there people are hurting. Somewhere out there people are working as well, under this condition, working for others, working for their country and working hard. The paramedic, the convenience store staff, government officers, the police. I can't respect these people enough. 

I need to, and I should, live my life to its fullest, like today's the last. 

A gentle reminder to not think little of the feelings of others. 

Watching Just Between Lovers and it shows the reality of how it takes to heal from losing someone and I'm crying truckloads and it dawned upon me that I am of no position to think little of the amount of grief my kimkim/ my uncle/ my nephew holds within them. 

I can't imagine. 

Just walking past Paya lebar's Lenas and looking at the exact seats we used to eat together at hits me quite badly I can't imagine how my nephew handles looking at every single spot of their home and recalling that just a while ago mum was here. 

The hardest part of losing someone is learning to live without them. 

8.2.2018

Because this day deserves a post as well :-)

Be fearless

Go for what makes your heart beats. 

Not in the love story sense but, in LIFE sense. 

Last week's classes were epic.
Sunday was so insane I knocked out at 10pm haha.

When I think of how Belvalynn screamed BYEBYE TEACHER PEARL across the whole corridor and how Alyssa came back to visit even though she withdrew last year, my heart breaks into a big big smile.

That's how they light up your life.

9.1.2018

I think this day deserves a post.

I got a place in a place that does well and does good.
I also started pondering about my long term goal in life.
It's stressful to know that I might be walking to nowhere. All I ever knew is I want to do good, but yesterday I figured I need to be more specific and clear and light up that unknown by myself.
A career is a big part of my life, I let it define me. I want a job that can make people smile. I don't want my days to pass a day by a day. I want to spring out of bed happily and in excitement and eventually be somebody who makes everybody feel like a somebody. At the same time, I love kids so I want to be working with children and impact their early years of education.
In the long run, I'll love to be my own decision maker and do my own thing but for now baby steps count and I'm so glad for this day.

I survived week one of 2018!

Back to kneeling and throat training classes, the feeling that yep reality is back hits me again haha, instantly, especially when my throat hurts and knees ache, once again. This year means a level up of shag because my babies progress to the next year of classes and that means level up in difficulty of classes. My kids are adorable though, they still give me the same big tight hugs I love and do all sorts of cute things that make my heart smile.

Zephan started singing the baby shark song when I asked him what's that marine creature. "Shark. Baby shark do do do do do" Elizabeth came to me in the middle of class wanting to sit on my lap. It was a week of happy babies and I'm glad they stuck with me for so long.

<3

Give it all, all the time.

December went by in a flash, I guess it felt exceptionally fast because of the 2 trips. It was tiring having to travel again the next day immediately after you land but it was so worth it :)

Last year 
I've been to really quite a few countries- Krabi with Buddy, BKK with PALT, Taiwan with HH, Taiwan again with bro, Cambodia with Shing, LX, Hua and Philippines with Buddy and Charissa. People always say travel and get lost and discover yourself etc but nope travelling solo to do self-discovery will never be my thing. I travel for purpose and for company and for memories.
I did my first and subsequently twice, crowd funding for Beong and they worked :O
I learnt sign language.
I did two dive trips but zero mountains.
I tried vain things like eyelash perming and I learnt a bit more about make up.
I got heavier but I got back my period.
I made deeper friendships with my colleagues-turned-friends but at the same time, I got into bad books. I figured this isn't what I really want.
I tried cmb twice with my friends and also went out (wts this deserves a massive pat on the back) and I finally concluded the whole thing isn't for me.
I see my dearest friends graduating and join me in the working world.
I lost a family. Having gone through the loss of two grandmothers made this feeling less foreign? But it's always the same. Like falling into a step of darkness and losing your balance and stopping time then and there. Before time starts to tick properly and you regain your footing and move on.

This year
I want to be a better, happier me.
I want people I love to be a better and happier version of themselves as well.

Moving onwards to the unknown, what's best is knowing that I was never alone and terribly blessed.